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  • jimkieley

Things to know when traveling south of Little Falls

  • It is generally a really bad idea to have a full mug of crown royal in the cupholder of your truck.

  • If you have 6 or 7 snowmobiles on your property, people will naturally assume you also sell parts, service snowmobiles, and actually are a snowmobile dealer. You may even sell motorcycles or ATV's.

  • When you poop, you don't need to think or even worry about where it ends up going. In fact, you can flush whatever you want. As long as it doesn't get stuck when exiting your toilet, consider it a done deal and move on with your day in a carefree manner. NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE!

  • If you have structures on your property called "The Nut House" or the "Meth Lab", don't expect to go unnoticed. In fact, it may be a good idea to hire some extra security guards and/or cameras.

  • Firewood is scarce, expensive and really hard to come by. Don't waste it willy-nilly and try to see how big of a flame you can get or how many logs you can pile on. That shit is 5 bucks a bundle at Holiday Gas Stations.

  • Beware of wearing too much Carhart in public. Every time I have been to the Carhart store at the Mall of America, I seemingly only see 12- to 13-year-old girls buying the products in order to look cool and trendy. Those same 12- to 13-year-old girls may see you wearing Carhart and wonder why the hell an old guy is stealing their trend. You will look like a total dork in their eyes, trying to be cool and trending. It just won't work.

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